please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
