i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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