i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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