I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize