What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
