Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
