i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Randomize
