at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
