am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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