I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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