Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
