Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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