A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize