Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
