it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
