Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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