Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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