I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
