Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
