The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
