I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
