I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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