The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
