Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
