So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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