I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
