Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
