You made me cry and you don't even care
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
