You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
