How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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