the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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