You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
