you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
