i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize