Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
