I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
