there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
