OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
