I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
