I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
