sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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