if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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