I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Im part way to drunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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