yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
