non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
