can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
