I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
3pm strippers are depressing
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
