one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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