I hate your face
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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