is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
