I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
