In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
