I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
