how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Semen is not good for contacts.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
