I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
did i walk over a car last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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