i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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