im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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