how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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