Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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