remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
