....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Actions speak louder than pants.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
