You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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