I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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