he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize