i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
