Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
