My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
